Anger Management Resolution™

Did you know that Anger originally meant “sorrow,” and “painful?”

anger (n.)

From Old Norse angr (“affliction, sorrow”), from ang (“troubled”). Cognates include Danish anger (“regret”), Swedish ånger (“regret”), Old English ange (“oppressed, sad”), Latin angō (“squeeze, choke, vex”), Ancient Greek ἄγχω (ankhō, “I squeeze, strangle”), Sanskrit अंहु (aṃhu, “anxiety, distress”). Also compare anguish, anxious, quinsy, and perhaps to awe and ugly. The word seems to have originally meant “to choke, squeeze”.[1] (Wikipedia)

Anger is an emotion. It is not good. It is not bad. Happy (glad), mad (anger), sad, fear, disgust, and surprise are emotions that we all can see on each others’ facial expressions. (Dr. Paul Ekman).  ANGER IS OK. It’s painful. It’s hard. It’s powerful. And. It can HIDE other feelings that we’re feeling. It can COVER hidden thoughts that we’re thinking. The truth is, there’s a lot to be angry about today. And. By not acknowledging the anger, we’re not acknowledging vast parts of ourselves within the anger, and even more that’s behind, or underneath the anger–all that can lead to greater peace in my life.

Anger is Okay. Often, too often we get it anger mixed up, or fused with violence, which is not anger. We too often get it mixed up with physical harm (violence) or threats of harm (threats of violence), both of which are abusive. Maybe that’s all that we saw when we were growing up–makes sense, then, that we merge “Anger=Violence,” but, as I’ve said, one is an emotion, the other, an action.  Therein lies the rap–the bad rap that’s been given to an otherwise natural, normal, necessary emotion. Let’s not forget the socialization of anger, either.

MEN are often socialized so that anger is the only emotion that they’re allowed to feel. So if they feel hurt, sad, shy or ashamed, they’re deemed as a woman or gay or weak. So many men, not all of course, may feel more comfortable in feeling anger. For some, it could turn out to be an addictive pattern of anger (angry all the time).

WOMEN are all too often told they can’t have their anger at all…it’s not polite, it’s unseemly, or maybe she’ll be physically hurt if she expresses her anger. For some women it’s the goal of therapy to express the anger, to really show what’s been held down. I help in channeling the anger in safe ways.

Anger Management Resolution.

So what do I mean by anger “resolution?” Well, anger is a Secondary Emotion, which means that anger isn’t the first response that our brains have during an incident–it’s not the first emotion that we feel. Often the first emotion that we’ll feel is fear, we feel afraid. But our brains are much faster than we think, and often we think that anger is the first emotion, but we’d be mistaken. Time and time again I’ve seen this simply isn’t the case. Hurt is a Primary emotion. Fear is a Primary Emotion. Sadness is a Primary Emotion. Anger Resolution is working with the Primary Level of emotions, where the hurt, fear and sadness reside.

This is the level on which I work, the Primary Level. So if I’m angrily blaming so-and-so for what they’ve done, or if I’m angry at Sparky for not doing something right, you can bet that I welcome that anger in it’s expression, and, I’ll look to get to the primary emotions, issue or issues that are driving the anger.

The key to Anger Resolution is that it’s not about the anger.

So I end with what was actually the beginning…the origin of the word Anger…

anger (n.)

c.1200, “to irritate, annoy, provoke,” from O.N. angra “to grieve, vex, distress; to be vexed at, take offense with,” from P.Gmc. *angus (cf. O.E. enge “narrow, painful,” M.Du. enghe, Goth. aggwus “narrow”), from PIE base *angh- “tight, painfully constricted, painful” (cf. Skt. amhu- “narrow,” amhah “anguish;” Armenian anjuk “narrow;” Lith. ankstas “narrow;” Gk. ankhein “to squeeze,” ankhone “a strangling;” L. angere “to throttle, torment;” O.Ir. cum-ang “straitness, want”). In M.E., also of physical pain. Meaning “excite to wrath, make angry” is from late 14c. Related: Angered; angering. (Etymology online)

ETYMOLOGY:Middle English, from Old Norse angr, sorrow; see angh- in Indo-European roots…

You see for me, Anger is another word for PAIN.


 I’m Jim.

Call me at 424 235 0614.

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Also look at my Anger Management Page for Classes and more information!