Did you know…

that giraffes are bisexual?

A fun example that I like to discuss regarding bisexuality is the sexuality of the giraffe. Many giraffes have homosexual relationships (mating and socializing) during the first part of their lives, but have heterosexual relationships for the remainder of their lives (“Biological Exuberance,” Bruce Bagemihl, Ph.D.).Bisexuality is the physical, emotional, and/or sexual attraction to both men and women. From my perspective it’s important to distinguish just what it is that we’re talking about when talking about an the above types of attractions, so let’s define our terms.

Physical attraction is being attracted to the physical body, but not necessarily desiring sex. This is sort of like men looking at other guys and admiring their physiques at the gym. Men are often taught, I know that I was, that it wasn’t OK for a man to say of or to another man “you’re handsome,” or “you’re a handsome guy.” While this doesn’t say anything about one’s sexual orientation, for many men, it’s interpreted that way.

Emotional attraction is about connecting with someone on the emotional level. This just means that I would feel that this person or that person gets me more than another. If I feel you get me, I’m going to be more open to you. Some women have more of an emotional attraction to other women in that they feel understood more accurately, some men feel more emotionally attracted to men–they feel heard more by another man than by a woman. Technically speaking, this is defined as homoemotional.

Sexual Attraction is naturally desiring to have sex with a person. This would include being physically attracted to a person, but not necessarily being emotionally attracted to them. Some might call this lust, and that’s fine. Sexuality itself is very fluid, very dynamic. Sexuality is longitudinal, which means that it is expressed over time, and latitudinal (at a given point in time). An  EXAMPLE of what I’m talking about is that a woman may be sexually attracted to men during her 20s, then in her 30s she has a relationship, including sex, with a woman, then finds a great guy in her 40s or 50s. That’s LONGITUDINAL bisexuality.

There are many people…

who will argue that bi sexuality doesn’t really exist, that it’s more of what someone might say if he or she is really gay, but hasn’t fully accepted that part of themselves. While popular culture wants one thing or the other (I’m referring to someone identifying as either straight or gay), someone identifying as bi-sexual truly has a unique perspective. While many may identify as bisexual and really are gay, it doesn’t mean that bi-sexuality doesn’t exist. In a training on bisexuality that I attended (early 2005), a study was referenced where there were a significant number of self-identified gay men who had had sex with women within the past six months of them taking the survey (done in 2004).

Because these men are self identified as gay and recently had sex with women, wouldn’t they identify as bi-sexual? Maybe, but per the report they didn’t feel that way. It’s not how they identified themselves to themselves (or to the survey). There are many married men who have occasional sexual relations with men from time to time. Does this mean that they are actually gay or bi-sexual? Maybe. Maybe not. I could be married, identify as straight and have sexual relations with men. Would I identify as bi-sexual? Many do, and many might still identify as straight. Sexuality is fluid, it happens longitudinally (over time), and latitudinally (at a given point in time).Ultimately, it’s how I personally identify myself to myself that’s important. And. Do I accept me for how I identify, do I accept me with all my attractions? That’s a really good question from my perspective.

Coming Out…

from what closet, but, from WHAT closet? And what does the closet really represent? (NOTE: This is the same article in my Sexual Questions area of my site!)The phrase “coming out” often is related to a man or a woman who is gay or lesbian “coming out” of the closet, implying a “hiding” of the acknowledgment of one’s sexual orientation. This can be a HUGE deal.

Coming Out can ALSO MEAN:

  • Coming Out as a Nudist
  • Coming Out as someone into Leather
  • Coming Out as Swinger

For me, COMING OUT has even broader meanings. For instance, there are straight individuals that “come out” as being into SM or BD (sadism/masochism or bondage/domination). Others “come out” as nudists, or doll collectors, or any number of things. The idea of “coming out” really started with Plato’s “Cave” analogy (ask me about that when you come in!).In our lives, secrets can eat us up from the inside-out. Coming Out simply is not holding onto that secret, whatever it is, and releasing it.

Letting out the secret in a safe way, in a safe space is the “coming out of the closet.” It’s the sending up the balloon of our fears and truly releasing it so that we feel more whole in our lives. Coming out has the implication of bringing a part of myself, whatever part that may be, into acknowledgment and ultimately, acceptance. Acceptance of something about myself that I’ve not up to this point accepted. As I see it, it takes courage to come out. Whether the acknowledgement is one of a sexual nature or of something completely different.

Lastly, Coming out is also another way of coming from what I call “Core,” “The core self,” or “Center.” When I’m at my center, I’m in peace, peace of mind, heart, body, and spirit. When I’m in this place, I’m not disturbed by anything that’s going on around me. Coming out then, is showing up from that place of knowing, from that place of peace.