Physical Violence

Physical Abuse…In my work in domestic violence, I’ve found that many people don’t actually know what or maybe even when something is abusive. Each of us has grown up in our own micro-culture called our FAMILY. That’s where we learn what’s okay and not okay. What’s abusive to someone in family “A” may not be abusive at all to someone in family “B.” For the family “B” person, it could simply be “talking with passion.” So it’s important to identify just what abuse is. In compiling the physical abuse list below, some may appear more obvious than others, some are what would or could get one put in jail, and most of these came from actual clients in a domestic violence group that was mandated for clients to attend. Physically abusive behaviors…

  1. Attempts to run over or hit the partner with a vehicle
  2. Beating the partner until unconscious
  3. Biting the partner
  4. Blocking exits if the partner tries to leave
  5. Burning the partner
  6. Choking
  7. Depriving the partner of food/sleep/shelter
  8. Driving recklessly
  9. Drugging the partner
  10. Grabbing
  11. Hiding or changing HIV or other medications for chronic illness
  12. Kicking the partner
  13. Pulling the partner’s hair
  14. Punching
  15. Pushing
  16. Restraining
  17. Scratching the partner
  18. Sexual, including unsafe or forced sex
  19. Shooting partner (with a gun/taser, electrical shock mechanism)
  20. Slapping
  21. Spitting at the partner
  22. Strangling
  23. Taking keys/property to keep the partner from leaving
  24. Taking, hides or changes HIV or other medication to keep partner from leaving
  25. Throwing things at the partner
  26. Throwing things at a wall, on the floor (this is intimidation)
  27. Using weapons against the partner

If I’m doing anything on this list or my partner is, this is a RED FLAG and it’s an opportunity for me or my partner to get some help with this! If I’m doing these things, I would consider attending an anger management program, individual therapy, journaling, taking walks, and just stepping out whenever I’m this pissed off. I would remember that the Anger Management and Individual therapy is a SMART decision on my part. If my partner is doing these things, I have the opportunity to set up some BOUNDARIES, and if that doesn’t work, I may need to re evaluate my relationship, and even think of leaving…yes, this includes if I have children or pets.