Jim Michael

STEP 13: We take steps to heal our physical bodies, organize our lives, reduce stress, and have fun.

On the call today we talked about ways in which we can heal our bodies, reduce stress, organize, and have fun. The Homework was to take one or two action steps towards each of these items, including reducing stress.  Some have been taught that if they aren’t doing something, if they’re not being productive, that they’re bad. That’s not true.

Neuroscience has shown us that to be more productive, creative, and to be at our optimal experiences, we need to relax, that that is about reducing the stress and having more fun. Fun can kick start our creativity, and our very enjoyment of life.

Do your homework!

STEP 12:  We seek our situations,jobs, and people that affirm our intelligence, perceptions, and self-worth and avoid situations or people who are hurtful, harmful, or demeaning to us.

This is pretty straight forward, it’s simple, but may not be easy. We’re surrounded by the negativity… of the news, of politics, of people out of integrity all over the place, so our job is to seek out things that are affirming for us…that are affirming to us.

I’m not talking about a “yes man” or a “yes woman,” but about people who really can get us or at least a part of us. The other piece of this step is to take actions that lead us away from those situations and people that suck up our energy, and that ultimately are harmful to us. This includes addictive behaviors, staying with people that we feel bad about ourselves when we’re around them.

So let’s go! Seek the affirming, avoid that which isn’t.

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Reference #11

STEP 11 We promptly acknowledge our mistakes and make amends when appropriate, but we do not say we are sorry for things we have not done and we do not cover up, analyze, or take responsibility for the shortcomings of others.

In simple terms: I clean up MY side of the street. You clean up YOUR side of the street. If I step on your side of the street, I acknowledge it, make amends, and move on.

If Joe Blow crosses to your side of the street, and you think it’s me, I don’t apologize for Joe’s crossing the street, because I didn’t do it. I may help you find Joe Blow, and help out if I’m feeling generous, but I don’t take responsibility for Joe’s crossing the street.

If my partner crosses, I do not erase the video recorder that  shows my partner step onto your side of the street. I don’t justify or rationalize my partner coming onto your side of the street. In short, I don’t take someone else’s responsibility for them.

STEP 10: We continue to trust our reality and daily affirm that we see what we see, we know what we know, and we feel what we feel.

This is a very action oriented step, in that it asks us to dialogue with ourselves and consciously, and daily, affirm our reality. On the call, I encourage using Clarifying and Perception Checking questions in your communication with others as a tool to help you affirm your experience.

If we haven’t trusted ourselves, perception checking with others is a great way to affirm our own realities and experiences. This Step also implicitly recognizes that there are others who have genuinely given you information that has you doubt your reality.

The general term for this is Gaslighting, and the term originates from a 1944 movie called Gaslight.

Your homework was already built into the step by encouraging daily affirmations that our realities are indeed our realities, and that we really are seeing what we’re seeing, know what we know, and are feeling what we feel.

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Reference Code #9

We express loving and gratitude to others, and increasingly appreciate the wonder of life and the blessings we do have.

On the conference call this morning, we reviewed the previous 8 Steps and what we did with them in order to get to and complete Step 9. The truth is, though, Step 9 is a place in our consciousness from which we come. It’s a world view that we hold.

If we are doing the inner and the outer work that we get to do, we naturally will be able to gravitate towards more expressions of gratitude, gratitude towards others, and increasingly appreciate the wonder and blessings that we really, indeed have.

The Homework? List and read out loud the blessings, or the good stuff, that has helped you get here, and, begin to start expressing our gratitude with others!

STEP 7: WE become willing to let go of guilt, shame, and any behaviors that keeps us from loving ourselves and others.

This step isn’t necessarily easy, but it can be very freeing. Becoming willing is the key.

“Becoming” tells me (and us) that we don’t have to have this done overnight, and that it WON’T be done overnight. There isn’t an instant change that with the snap of our fingers, and suddenly we’re perfect, and free of guilt, shame, etc….

“Willing” is the key to the success of this and all the steps, and really, all the things we want to do. If I’m not willing to make a change, then change won’t happen.

But if I AM willing…then I can identify the uncomfortable emotions of guilt and shame, and I can look that those behaviors that keep me from living my life fully, from loving myself, and from loving others.

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Reference Code #6

Step 6.

We AFFIRM and ENJOY our strengths, talents, and creativity, striving NOT to hide these qualities to protect others’ egos. 

[but to shine a LIGHT so that others can by INSPIRED]

What are your talents? Another way of saying that is: What’s easy for you that might not be easy for others?

In our previous step, we shared our darkness…our shame and our guilt. Now, share your LIGHT!

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Reference Code #5

Step 5.

We share with another person, ourselves, and the Universe, all those things inside of us for which we feel shame and guilt.

Openly sharing where I’ve felt shame and guilt is a super challenge that we ALL have– it’s way hard, and I get that. AND. It’s one of the ways that clears out our inner pain so we can live our lives more fully. Many of us hold onto shame and guilt and they become secrets…secrets that eat us up inside.

People will go to their graves with guilt and shame of something, even of not sharing their own guilt and shame. In this step, I’m challenging you to share some small secret with someone that’s safe for you to share.

Another opportunity here is to make a list of things about which you feel shame or guilt, and really examine the shame and guilt around these issues. Then, per this step’s challenge, share one of the things on the list. It’s important to take ownership of what I don’t like…the guilt, the shame that I have,  and then I can start sharing it.

Are you ready to share a part of your guilt and shame? That’s the homework.

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Step 4.

We examine our beliefs, compulsive, addictive and dependent behaviors in the CONTEXT of living in a hierarchical, patriarchal, homophobic culture. Culture is the influence of our families, religions, local communities, and larger society. How has the context and culture of your life when you were a kid affected how you are living your lives now? 

Okay. Look at your life. Look at it through the lens of each of these contexts….What do you find?