Setting the ending.

by Jim on September 20, 2012


Earlier this week I had taken my computer in for repair to a major national retailer that has a whole “squad” to fix computers.

I’d taken it there before…many times, in fact. Each experience was pretty similar. My computer needed help, I took it in, they said that they would help. Great. Then I’d call for updates since they didn’t call me as they said they would, and they would tell me X. Then when I came in they told me Y. It was aggravating.

Among other things, I really value clear communication in my life. So when I took my computer in this time, and I was met with the same thing as before, I saw my own upset coming. They told me one thing on the phone, then the next day, they told me something different. It was clear that the staff weren’t talking with each other, and that if that’s the case, the consumer, me in this case, was being told different things by different people.

While I was admittedly pissed, I looked at myself and what my anger was really about. Sure, I had the perfect right to be pissed at them, they didn’t deliver as promised, but that’s a “light” or superficial way of looking at it. I knew I could go deeper in my own consciousness and see what was really up.

You see, when we’re mad about something, that’s totally okay, natural, and it’s telling us something. Younger kids sometimes are great at expressing their anger. “I hate you!” Then after things get talked about, figured out “You want to come to my birthday party?” The incident is done and over with.

If we’re mad about something and that anger is bigger than the event may warrant, then we may be carrying “old anger,” and we get to have a deeper look at ourselves. I’m calling “old anger” any anger that we had in the past and simply didn’t get to fully express it in a healthy way.

In my process with the computer repair, I did exactly what I encourage my clients to do: I identified my thoughts (my cognitions), how I felt (my emotions), and my actions (behaviors) about the incident. Then I took a next step. I looked at how this type of experience might be a bigger pattern that has played out in my life. As I’ve mentioned, this isn’t the first time that I’ve had this experience with this company, so I knew right there that it was a pattern.

The bottom line for me was that I’ve had a pattern of  people in my own life who wouldn’t or couldn’t communicate with me in ways that were healthy for me. My action plan in this case was to find a computer repair shop wherein the people there would say what they’ll do, will have done what they’ve said they would do, and communicate that with me. And that’s exactly what I did. You see, it’s nothing about the retail computer repair company. They’re going to be the way they are. Am I choosing to enter or stay in that type of situation? If so, then it’s no longer about them, but about me, and how I’m responding to the situation.

Once I got clear (in my head), I went into the big retailer company, and without malice or drama, I simply asked for my money to be returned to me and informed them that I was taking the computer somewhere else.

If you’re in a situation where it’s just unhealthy for you to stay, you do have other options. You may not see them right now, but there are other options, other ways. Sometimes ending friendships/relationships is the thing I need to do to get clear in my own head. Remember, it’s not about the other person, company or the other anything…it’s how I’m handling it. I know that I’ve handled something when the next time something like that happens, and I have no charge on it. Zero. In my experience with the retailer computer store, for instance, I’ll still shop there, I just won’t go there for repairs of any sort. I have no “they’re idiots!” or any “charge” on it whatsoever, I just won’t go there for repairs, and when I speak of them, I’ll say pretty much what I’m saying here–they promised one thing, delivered another–so I moved on.

This is how I encourage people to set the ending. Set it so that the other isn’t wrong, and you’re not wrong. You’re not wrong. Look at the situation, see if there’s a pattern, and then choose out of the pattern–even if you can’t see anything better yet. Sometimes we have to end something  so that something better appears. This may sound a little “woo woo” to some, but, if I’ve done my inner work, that’s truly how it can be.


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